Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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