smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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