Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
