When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
