She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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