why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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