I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
