If that was your dad, he is hot
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we made out on top of his cat.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
