I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
