I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
