Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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