Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
