i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
