Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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