Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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