I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
