i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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