Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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