its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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