i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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