genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
