True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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