New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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