It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His hands were made for my vagina.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
