Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
