not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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