How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
