using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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