You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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