So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
