I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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