my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
