I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
