I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
