you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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