He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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