The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
