I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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