What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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