Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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