nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
