youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude i'm inner monologue high
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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