Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize