i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
