She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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