So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
