ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
