I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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