My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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