Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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