oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
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Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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