she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
