He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
50% drunk capacity currently
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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