if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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