the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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