cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
