Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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