omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
