I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
