Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
