you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
