God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
