Already got asked if we're dating
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"