Your face is a jimmy john
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights