dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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