i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it