You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.