omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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