thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I want you more than these girls want KFC
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes