Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
