We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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