fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
