I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
