If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
