I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
