Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
