Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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