i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize