I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
