Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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