More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
