i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
