Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
