You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
