Porn is love you can see.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
