even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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