It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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