it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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