i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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